here you have it

in grief

and in fond memory of a friend, one of my greatest inspirations, i ride.

please help.

together, we will accomplish what would be impossible to achieve alone.

someone else's words. again.

but first, a few of my own:

the last two years of my life have been a whirlwind of new friends and breakups, amazing experiences and hard introspection, hard times, good times, and everything in between. recently, after deciding to take the summer off from classes, losing my entire hard drive to a pre-finals week computer crash, breaking up a brief but intense relationship, and a series of attitude and outlook adjustments, i feel like i am starting over. the perspective i'd lost, mired in school and work and social navigation, is returning.  my feet are starting to feel solid again.  my hands, agile and able.  my mind is finding focus in the blur.

hopefully sometime soon, i'll remember how to have fun.  

when did i forget that?  and why?  and does it matter that i can't remember?

in the mean time, speaking of a feeling of new beginning, here's what's been keeping me up at night:  since i am taking a break from memorizing chemical reactions all night, almost every night, i've re-engaged the fantastically-idealistic-but-somehow-strangely-satisfying-and-inspiring the fountainhead...

"it doesn't say much... but it's like those mottoes men carved over the entrance of a castle and died for.  it's a challenge in the face of something so vast and so dark, that all the pain on earth - and do you know how much suffering on earth? - all the pain comes from that thing you are going to face.  i don't know what it is, i don't know why it should be unleashed against you.  i know only that it will be.  and i know that if you carry these words through to the end, it will be a victory... not just for you, but for something that should win, that moves the world - and never wins acknowledgment.  it will vindicate so many who have fallen before you, who have suffered as you will suffer.  may god bless you - or whoever it is that is alone to see the best, the highest possible to human hearts.  you're on your way into hell..."

- ayn rand

sorry i haven't written in a while, i've been saving the world... from 5 year olds...

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more after finals, i promise!