wow. for the first time in the history of this blog, i haven't posted in so long that my main page is blank. how long has it been this way? where AM i? is anyone still out there?
i guess, for some reason or another, blogging keeps getting pushed down on my list of things to do. not because it's hard, but because it's actually pretty time consuming. i love writing, but i feel like it's not worth sharing if it wasn't given the proper time and effort. hell, i'd totally fancy being a writer... some kind of science/medical/technical writer who works from home with a view of the lake, a fireplace, the most trusted internet connection ever, and at least 3 professional journals in the mail every day... if i wouldn't feel like i was being so completely useless. also, there are a lot of writers out there and most of them suck. i probably suck too, but i'm not attempting to make a living this way.
that said, what AM i trying to make a living doing? school life is wearing on me pretty hard these days. maybe it's different when you're in grad school and you actually have something to focus on? i feel more unfocused right now than i have in a long time. i am questioning all of my motives and decisions and not coming up with anything better or worse. am i being broken by the system? am i eventually going to lose my curiosity and passion and end up joining some kind of rat race where nobody cares what they're doing so long as they get that piece of cheese at the end of the pay period?
or am i just realizing that one person doesn't save the world?
on the other hand,
maybe curiosity didn't kill the cat after all; complacency did.
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damn, i'm in a funk lately.
