here you have it

act. because remembering is not enough

i just wanted to take a second to let you all know that i am going to be pedaling my little heart out in the ACT5 ride this coming august.

so here's the short of it:
ACT 5 is a fund raiser, for which i will be riding my bike 300 miles in 4 days. my fund raising goal is $1500.

please, if you read this blog because you know me or you just stumbled across it by googling something, consider dropping a few dollars my way for the benefit of the AIDS network of wisconsin.

you can donate at my official fund raising web site, here.

if partying and getting a little somethin' for your donation is your thing, and you are in the madison area: i invite you to my fundraising party at indie queer night at the king club on wednesday, june 20. i will be selling boxer briefs, a-shirts, and t-shirts that are screen printed with my super special ACT5 "team caffeine" logo.

thank you for any donations you can make. it will change lives, i promise.

a sentence that i've never read before:

"In fact, many analysts say that if a Democrat wins the White House in 2008, he (or she) may face much of the same resistance..."

original context.

ps
senator mccain:
i applaud all of the left-wing attention-getting schmoozing that you got for yourself with jon stewart last year, but fuck off:

"On the Republican side, not one of the 10 candidates on the stage in Tuesday’s debate expressed support for allowing openly gay men and women to serve in the military... Senator John McCain of Arizona declared it would be a “terrific mistake” to “even reopen the issue,” adding that the troops now in the field were 'the very best.'"

maybe we should discuss your definition and use of the word "best."

day off = favorite pass time

the internet. specifically, quizzes that tell you things about yourself that you already know (how does it do that?!).

i'm the star of the sleeping world! also, i have grabby toes. i always knew i was good at something...

tandem cycle traits and tendencies:
tandem cyclists are the stars of the sleeping world. tan, relaxed, and wind-swept, they’re always smiling bright, no matter what blows life deals. disease, public speaking, automotive failure — they take it all in stride, thanks to the steadying power of spending night after night with a best-loved mate at their backs.

check it out, you know you want to.

oooh, here's another one! it says i'm very helpful!

Which Federal Rule of Civil Procedure Are You?

YOU ARE RULE 15!
You're a very helpful rule; you allow the attorney to amend their complaint once as a matter of course at any time before the answer is filed, and also allow amendments in other cases. If a claim relates back to the original transaction or occurrence outlined in the complaint, you can amend the complaint, even though the statute of limitations has run. Like a good friend, you're always there to help out in a bind.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

actually, quizilla used to be awesome. now it totally sucks. that's what i get for abandoning my addictions for school.

some more wallowing

i was surrounded by my softball team at the bar last night. we'd had a great game, we lost, but it was an awesome game anyway. we were catching up and commiserating. they said, "come on bri, you never talk about yourself, you never tell us what's wrong, and you never cry. come on, let it out, you trust us." and i told them that i do, but i don't. see, i don't really trust anyone, especially with my troubles, and extra especially with my tears. and even though i didn't pour my heart out to them in that moment, i think we bonded a little bit over an understanding of something that i can't quite get my finger on.

i do cry sometimes. i am human, afterall. and if you were my downstairs neighbor, you might have heard my head in hands action this evening, drowned out by one p j harvey. thank you, p j harvey...

"oh my lover
don't you know it's alright
you can love her
and you can love me at the same time

much to discover
i know you don't have the time
but, oh my lover
don't you know it's alright

oh my sweet thing
oh my honey thighs
give me your troubles
i'll keep them with mine

take at your liesure
take whatever you can find
but, oh my sweet thing
don't you know it's alright

it's alright
it's alright
there's no time
so it's alright

what's that color
forming around your eyes?
waltz my lover
tell me that it's alright
just another, before you go, go away
oh my lover, why don't you just say my name?
it's alright
say it's alright
there's no time"

like when you have to sneeze but can't

i am standing in the middle of a scattering of things, and have been feeling this vague and creeping sense of something unpleasant building in me for the last couple of days. today, i finally contacted it, and recognized it as anger.

anger is a feeling that i generally regard as useless, quantified by a relatively high energy to productivity ratio. that is, lots of energy used : little useful things created.

i don't really see a point in attempting to justify this sense, or even go on some sort of internal witch hunt in attempt to find somewhere to pin a ribbon of blame. so what do i do with such a useless and obnoxious feeling? ride it out like a hangover, in bed with gatorade and maple syrup cream of wheat? translate anger into agression and then beat it out of myself on the hockey rink, softball field, or bike path?

looking for solace, i pulled a handful of my favorite poems off the shelf. staceyann chin, bitch, nikki giovanni, and a collection of beat poets (the book wherein i discovered diane diprima). and a book that i haven't looked at in years, inside of which i found a 4 page, handwritten letter. the book is by animal prufrock, and was purchased for me by the woman who had asked me to marry her, during the first several months of our dating, when she went to her first michigan women's music festival and i had to stay home to work. the first third of the letter was about how much fun she was having and how amazing were all of the people she was meeting, out there on her own. later, she writes more, saying that she had somehow offended some people by singing in the dinner line, was stood up by a dinner date, and was having a weird time navigating some drama that was going on with the people she was hanging out with. later still, she writes about the things that she knows i would be loving if i were there. she writes about missing me. when she set off for this festival, i was worried that she would find something amazing and leave me for it. in a way, the amazing thing that she found was a greater understanding of her own capacity and need for intimacy, specifically in regard to her relationship with me, which in turn opened me up even more to her. which worked for us... for a while. the anger that i felt when she left was almost unbearable. that entire summer is a blur in my memory. and now, just 3 years later, i recovered a relic of what we had and the anger that i had pinned on her memory is gone.

so there you have it: instead of a poem written by someone fancy, you got a weird tangent by me. the moral of the story is that even the most blinding anger goes away. eventually. if you let it.

.
.
.

ok, here you go anyway (because i just re-fell in love with animal prufrock, and even forgave her for that whole susan powter fiasco. jesus, i'm glad that's over)...

"baby
i don't even know you that well
and i miss you like hell
been through high water
chasing
some flashing light
most beautiful flesh i've ever seen
but i got there
a little late
the hook's through your cheek
and i'm pulling hard
against that man's line

i'm pulling for you
but it's up to you
especially now

so here i am
cock calling
cawing
crawling
in my insides
wishing
that you
find your way

wish i could fax you a map
send you a
'get out of jail free'
card
i daydream fast
of possibility
i'm ill with
ephedra
no food
and highway air

i can see you
out on the deck
talking to the trees
please
send her a sign
one more time
open the window
to sunny
peach and blue
to love
more constant than disappointment
to deluxe
home improvement
to freedom
in mothering

if i'm smothering
let me slide
down
warm your beautiful feet
give you a treat

i'm sorry
that all the
shes
chose to leave
and the hes
can't conceive
of your greatness

let it be known
even if
hidden under the last stone
the works of you
the worth of you
the gifts of you
is real"

-animal prufrock