here you have it

thanks a lot, matthew.

i am not going to get abducted by "star people."
i am not going to get abducted by "star people."

so, on his way out of the coffee shop tonight, matthew says, "wanna hear something freaky?" to which, of course, i say, "yes." he goes on to tell me about a woman who he met this weekend who had been contacted by "star people" while on a camping trip. one of them even touched her so that she would know he was real. in the coming months, she prayed for some sort of sign to let her know that she wasn't crazy, and then, one day while she was at work, she got a phone call. it was a shaman from hawaii, a guy who she didn't know and has only had this one contact with him in her entire life. he told her that the star people wanted her to know that she's not crazy.

not only that, but he went on to tell me that he has seen "star people," who are apparently mostly friendly. except the gray people, "they're the ones that abduct people and do all that shit. they're the curious ones."

right. thanks matthew.

and thanks for LEAVING ME here ALONE.

and thanks for turning the light to the basement off.

i will not get abducted...

and then, after i psyched myself up while cleaning the floor, matthew comes back because he had forgotten something. i tell him that he is no longer allowed to tell me stories about aliens and then leave me alone. he kindof laughed and said, "what do you need?" and i said, "i need you to tell me that the star people aren't going to get me when i go to the basement." but instead of telling me what i just told him i needed to hear, he says, "uummmmm.... i can't truthfully tell you that." and goes on to decribe to me how if they do come to get me, i'll get super super paranoid "and then there will be this flash, and you'll be gone for hours." WHAT!?! can you not see that i AM paranoid already? are you really going to LEAVE ME? AGAIN?!

yes. yes he did. saying, over his shoulder on his way out the door, "if they visit you, will you ask them about me?" in my paranoid stupor, mouth hanging open as he closed the door behind him, leaving me all alone (AGAIN) i said out loud, "YOU GO ABDUCT MATTHEW, HE'S THE ONE WITH THE QUESTIONS!"

just incase you're wondering, i made it to the basement and back just fine. although i didn't turn all the lights off like i was supposed to, and i walked up the stairs with my back to the wall, so they couldn't sneak up behind me. i am still alone in the coffee shop, because i don't have internet access at home, but it's better up here in the light with all the windows. and the lights. actually, i'm kindof putting off leaving because that means i'm going to have to walk from the couch to the door in the dark.

umm... hey, jennie... can i come over?

here i go, not getting abducted...

three cheers for The Internet, which also brings me to a coffee shop where the live music is actually *amazing*

check these out:
(they're more funny if you know the movies they're parody-ing)

toy story 2 requiem

brokeback to the future

listening to:
the guy with the guitar at the coffee shop where i am currently internetting. he's an old dude, i've seen him many times playing guitar or banjo outside the co-op down the street from my house. he's an amazing musician, and has a perfect voice for bluegrassy, folky, bluesy guitar and harmonica music. we discussed earlier his musical wanderings and endeavors. i think he was trying to escape the two annoying dudes who were scrutinizing his choice of acoustic guitar over electric, among other things. they were annoying me, and it wasn't even my stuff. anyway, we got to talking about utah phillips, an amazing storyteller from the west coast. the guitar guy (who, i am embarassed to say that i don't know his name) just played a song for me that was written by utah, called "rock salt and ale." it was a beautiful song about love and letters and loss. damn, this guy's voice is amazing.

wow. really. i had no idea i loved blues as much as i am feeling it right now.

official bizzniss

official softball registration
show up at these places at these times for registration and answers to all of your softball related questions.

~ thursday, february 23
6 pm - 8 pm @ club 5

~ monday, february 27
6 pm - 8 pm @ the shamrock

~ tuesday, february 28
8 pm - 10 pm) @ club 5
**for anyone between 18 and 21 years old**

~ tuesday, march 7
6 pm - 8 pm @ the shamrock

anyone wanting to be involved in the women's competetive league (aka, the L team's sister team) should email me so that i can give you the email address of the woman with the registration materials. she may be present at the shamrock on tuesday the 7th, but i'm not sure, and i'm not going to post her email address. we've had lots of interest, now's the time to walk the walk after you've been talking the talk since last season.

official moving
it's going to happen, really! they're really doing an awesome job totally gutting the place, and i am totally excited to see how it all comes back together. hopefully, soon they'll have a 2 day drywalling bender, followed by construction, as opposed to destruction.

posts and email checking for the next few weeks will be sporadic, as i've already severed my internet ties to the apartment that currently houses my stuff. fear not, though, madison is crammed with internet cafes. i even work in one :) i might try a tad less crowded one next time, though. it's not actually physically crowded in here, but the 6 laptops all pulling from one signal have significantly decreased the speed at which i can access The Internet.

also: anyone who wants to help me obtain boxes, move boxes (when the time comes) or paint my new apartment, but mostly move boxes, let me know. anyone involved may be eligible to inherit random stuff that i am likely to give away while going through all of my stuff (again) and saying, "why do i have this?"

does anyone need or want:
~ a big (9' x 12') purple rug?
~ an electric can opener

listening to:
coffee shop music, which has clearly been chosen by the baristas. electric earth gets a thumbs up from me. good food, good coffee, good music, good signs indicating things like that they will not serve you while you're talking on your cell phone. good call.

attention madison area queers:

want to meet new and exciting people? tired of the bar scene? want to get outside and play some softball? i've got some news for you.

if you're a pretty good softball player who just wants to have some fun, if you think softball is pretty neat but haven't played since high school, even if you don't know what a softball looks like or have never been to first base (tee hee), i've got a team for you.

player or athletic supporter, madison gay softball has been working hard for the last few years to bring madison area queers together for some good softball fun. we are now recruiting for the 2006 season: recreational and/or competetive (depending on interest) individuals for coed teams for a monday night all gay league, and one all women's competetive team to play in the same tuesday night league as everyone's favorite L team!

this is a fantastic opportunity to meet new people, get out of the house, socialize the dog and/or girlfriend, finally use that cool fold-up camp chair with the drink holder arm rests, and yell at/cheer for people in public.

you don't have to be an awesome ball player. you don't have to have your own team formed. we will place you with a team and a coach who will encourage the abilities you have, and help you work on the ones you don't quite have figured out yet. most of all, we will have fun.

as the official registration materials will be finalized soon, i have nothing for you to fill out. yet. but if you're interested, ESPECIALLY for the women's competetive tuesday night team, PLEASE EMAIL ME so that i can get you signed up because we do have materials for those teams and need to be official by mid march.

email me, stay tuned for further information, or keep an eye out for recruiters at either club 5 or the shamrock.

the weather outside sucks, but those fields will be ready for some big gay softball action faster than felicia can say "chewbacca."

the snow day report

in the twoish hours between the time when i took jennie to work to the time that i went to get her again, the condition of the roads had deteriorated to the point where a city bus was stuck at its stop just feet from my house. did that keep me from digging out my little vw and attempting to drive? no. i made it to my destination, but it took me 40 minutes to make a 10 minute trip, and i got stuck 4 times.

the thing that pissed me off about getting stuck was not the getting stuck itself (i could see a plowed main road from where i was stuck) but that the first time, this dude felt like he needed to stick his head in my window and say "are you sure your emercency break isn't on?" "yes." i have an automatic, what the hell would i put my e-brake on for? at which point he actually put his head in my window and said, "where is your brake lever?" i could have pulled a mike tyson on him from where he had his head, looking to make sure i knew what an emergency break was. i'm not stupid, asshole, i just don't have any traction, so if you want to help me, get back there and push, if not, fuck off. anyway, i got stuck 2 more times on that block before i made it to a "plowed" road (with the help of a very friendly lady and her daughter who did not assume that i was incompetent) and was able to get to jennie's place of work. the rest of the trip was fine, until i attempted to pull in to the parking lot next to her apartment, where i, very understandably, got stuck again. this time a very friendly lady happened by and helped jennie give me a little push into the lot and to the space i had shoveled out. that car's not going anywhere else today.

let the snow day begin! here are the highlights:
* snow day supplies brought to jennie's house in anticipation of not going anywhere for a while: movies, nintendo, snowpants, 2 saucer sleds.
* jennie-made brunch and coffee.
* finally got to sled down the street across from jennie's apartment. not division, as originally planned, but bedford (bashford?) which joins division and is steeper and ends at a bar called woody-anne's.
* sledded for almost 3 hours.
* got a free beer and a free shot from the people who were watching us sled all afternoon from the window of woody-anne's, where they have a sign that they put in the window when someone outside does something dumb that says, "STUPID, hey you!"
* lounging and napping and ...
* donning snowpants one more time to walk to willy street from winnebago to have dinner at the weary with rae and shannon.
* the best sleep i've gotten in days.

this morning, my muscles are more than a little sore from all of the shoveling and trudging around in the snow that i did yesterday. jennie had bruises on her knees last night from where she landed on them after taking running jumps at her sled. mine waited until this morning to form, along with one on the inside of my left elbow, for some reason.

today, i was planning on taking it easy and playing some of the nintendo that i've had a strange craving for, but i think i'm going to try to make it to the grocery store before it's time to go to the gym. i am going to be one sore cookie tomorrow.

in other news:
* i am learning that even though it may piss someone off, i need to do what i need to do.
* i am learning how to open the coffee shop by myself. which means that i also must learn how to be at work by 6:30 AM. wah.

snow day!

since i don't bike to work anymore, i rarely check the weather before i go out. the fun thing about it is that i am always totally suprised when it snows, or when the temperature nears 40 fahrenheits in early february. last night, on my way home from work, the snow started so abruptly that there was nothing when i turned my car off, and went to what i would call descent snowfall by the time i had walked across the street to my house. 2 hours later, there was already almost an inch on the ground, with no signs of stopping.

it's about damn time we got some snow around here.

this morning, i got up early to brave what has become a straight up "winter storm" to take jennie to work, as it would have almost have been more productive for her to have walked than ridden her bike, but since it's over a mile and i've got a car and an ice scraper, i thought she might like to show up to work, you know, dry. plus, what kind of asshole turns over and goes back to sleep while their ladyfriend bikes or walks 2 miles to work in a fucking blizzard? i might have urges to call complete strangers idiots, but i'm not that cold.

my plan was to crawl back into bed, doze for a while, get up, go grocery shopping, go to the gym, and generally be productive. but as this is the best snowfall i've seen since last year, i've got the curtain up and have snuggled up in bed with my computer, some snacks, and a warm, purry kitty. i have declared today an official snow day. i will be a little bit productive today, but not with anything that requres me to leave the house. i will stay in bed and read and snack and surf the internet (yay for laptops) until i am damn well ready to get up. i will make some coffee, i will make some eggs and toast. maybe i'll even hook the nintendo back up and play some ms packman. maybe when jennie gets done with work, she'll come over and play with me.

oh snow day. thank you for giving me permission to not do anything.

extra special thanks to alicia at dancing grounds for shifting my work schedule and making this day of non-productivity possible.

listening to:
the ticking of the heater, the occasional passing snow plow, and silence. sweet silence. and the occasional clap of thunder. that's right, thunder during a blizzard in february. yeah, it's freaking me out, too.

extra special thanks to silence.

edited to add:
jennie just called, saying that since there's a blizzard going on outside, they're sending everyone home at 11. yay! which means that we'll get to snuggle together in bed all day and watch movies and play packman and... it's almost quarter after 10. if i'm going to be there by 11, i should actually leave soon. here's hoping i can make it across the ithsmus and back in one piece.

excuse me...

*disclaimer: the following statement is not directed at you or anyone or any situation in particular. i just had this weird surge of general agression that i need to get out in a space where people can comment, thereby helping me to feel like i'm not an asshole. and now, on to the post...*

sometimes i feel the need to look someone* square in the face and say,
"you're an idiot."

in the news, because i actually have ample time to read it

kelly clarkson: winning grammies for music she didn't write.

president bush: signing the "deficit reduction act of 2005, which makes $39 billion in cuts to student loan subsidies, medicare, medicaid, farm subsidies and other programs." hereby destroying not only third world, oil rich countries, but our own as well. oh, right, we don't need education or heath care, we need oil.

boingboing.net: my new favorite website for random news. extra special thanks to ryan. also can be noted that, for reasons unknown to me, every time i try to type "boing" i actually type "bling" instead.

your brain: soon, we'll find where god lives. but before that, fundamentalist "christians" will lobby congress to stop such research, quoting the bible, "god hates fags, abortion, stem cell research, and scanning your brain."

the onion: you've got a point. for real, advocates of television censorship have complained about blood during prime time for so long that i really think that kids don't understand that violence actually kills people. why do curious children shoot eachother with the gun they found in the closet? lots of reasons, actually, but why did the kid pick it up and point it at the other kid and be completely shocked when it fired and killed her? because bullets don't actually kill people on tv. well, not the good guys, anyway.

listening to:
coco rosie's noah's ark
extra special thanks to shannon

procrastinating:
~ doing my taxes
~ taking quizzes for continuing ed credits so i can keep my x-ray credentials thereby maybe working in healthcare again someday
~ filling out my application to college
~ finishing my beer... hey, i should get on that

little turns 3.

extra special thanks to friendster for reminding me of my own kittie's birthday.

i adopted little tankerella from the humane society in late august, 2003. based on their estimates of her age, i chose for her the birth date of february 7. partly because i fancied the idea of her being an aquarius, but mostly because it was the first or second weekend in february at the time, and i needed an excuse to throw a party. i later realized that little does not prefer large groups of people, but rather one or two to provide warm lap space and preferably a fleece blanket and maybe some cashews, cheez-its, or triscits.

she's growing up to be such a beautiful lady. happy birthday, little.

writer's block

what is this thing?

... this thing that i've started dreaming about at night. it's been over a year since i've had dreams that i remember on a regular basis. i used to see flashes of random images, like a slide show out of control in my moments between consciousness and sleep. then, nothing. for months and months. now, i can't get it to stop.

my life got turned on its ass several months ago, and i've had an incredibly frustrating time writing since. writing, not just about the events of my life and how i felt/feel about them, but about everything. i look at the things i've written in my personal space in the last few months and cringe in disgust. crap. it's all crap. not that the things i write for myself have to be literary genius, that's not it at all, it's that the stuff i wrote about doesn't mean anything. why did i write it? it didn't matter. like those irritating people you meet sometimes in bars who babble endlessly, i wrote it simply because i needed to write, not because i was actually getting at what i needed to write about. recently, it's begun to surface. and, honestly, it's freaking my shit right out.

i feel like it's going to start trickling, then gushing, out of my every pore, like this thing is going to consume me and i'll run at least 2 pens completely out of ink and wear off all of the letters on my keyboard before it's done. like when you know you're going to puke and you really don't want to because puking fucking sucks, but you know you'll feel better once you've stopped heaving and had a change to blow your nose and brush your teeth. like i need to lock myself in a room with it until...

it's really really startling when you feel totally fine until someone casually asks you how you're doing and you suddenly, without warning or reason, feel like bursting into tears.

sitting.

waiting.

listening to:
lamb - what sound
the track called one (which is actually track number two, but who's counting) just rocked my shit. this is some good good stuff. extra special thanks to rae.

also, to everyone who sent me cds back in november/december when we all agreed to a cd exchange:
soon, i promise. things have been changing so quickly for me that i made 3 different cds, each with a totally different set of songs and the intent of being the final version, but scrapped each of them and started over the next day. i think i'm settling on a for-real final version, which i hope to have in the mail (along with my nana's christmas present, which i really did have ready to ship by christmas, but have since realized a strange aversion to the post office) by the end of the month. it will include the song i just mentioned above. pending my feelings about the post office.