here you have it

ponder

think about this:

in reference to the same situation, one culture says
"the squeaky wheel gets the grease."
while another culture says
"the nail that sticks out gets pounded first."

father's day

on march 13, 2000, i was born again. sort of. a loving father-daughter bond was made official in the eyes of the law. but there are things that can't be said with official papers and county clerk stamps and signatures. in fact, there are things that can't be said at all, things that are felt, things that there are no words for. now i know the feeling that rises in my chest when my dad says he's proud of me. now i know the feeling i get when my dad's hugs lift me, in so many ways, right up off the ground. most of my friends, who haven't already, want to meet my parents. i think it's because they can feel the love right through me. and i know exactly how lucky i am. and there are no words for that.

where do we go now?

time? what? things are spinning so quickly around me these days. emotions are intense, in a positive way. i feel my soul full to the brim with purpose and energy and good friends. one of these days though, i need to return to my spot on the wall where i can breathe and stay still in quiet and calm. but for right now, i'm in the current and i'm just going to have to let it take me where it will.

supernova

so was this weekend amazing, or what?!

i got to see nearly every amazing person i know here in madison. i got to do a bunch of things that i love with people i adore. and i got to be a stud when a lady sliced open her knee at the swimmin' hole (i saw her patellar tendon!!).

so here's a really short (for me) version of the story because i am way too damn giddy to be sitting here typing, but i HAVE to tell you: so abby and i went to the swimming hole to eat and swim after a big ol' bike ride in the country. we were sitting at the bottom of a pretty steep slope, near the water. there were some people at the top of the slope swinging into the water on a big rope. the lady didn't really want to do it, but she did anyway. she totally fucked it up. her legs hit the ground pretty early and she tumbled about halfway down, landing head first in the water. she came up and yelled "ah, my leg!" when i saw it, i ran down there and helped her get out of the water. otherwise, she was ok, but her patalla and it's inferior tendons, and all of the surrounding soft tissue were completely exposed. the bones and the major vessels didn't appear to be broken, so i helped her and her friends get on their way to a hospital. someone called 911 and a rescue squad showed up, but she and her company were already to their vehicle. the EMS might have taken her, in the end. the thing that bugged me was that i'm not so sure she had health insurance. it's a rant for another day. trust me, i've been saving it up.

i could write and write on and on and on about the excellent weekend i had, but i won't. let me just say that i am floating on a huge cloud of happy. i have amazing friends, and amazing experiences. the only thing that worries me is that i know that everything has an opposite. i hope that when i swing out of this fantastic bubble of wonderful, i don't swing into a raging pit of despair (hahaha, remember the movie "the princess bride" and the "pit ooof despaaaaaaaaaaih" hahahahah.... ah, that movie is sooo witty).

i love you all.

bustin' my eardrums: sleater-kinney
"c'mon and turn turn it up
i wanna turn turn you on"

adopt me

did you ever watch that gameshow "the price is right"? remember how, at the end of EVERY episode, bob barker would remind us to "help control the pet population" by having our pets spayed or neutered, while one of the models played with a cute sad little orphan puppy? i'm going to give you a minute to get that mental image of the cute little sad orphan puppy in need of a loving home... ... ...
... ... got it? good. with that said, i've got some news:

1: a friend of mine from work has a bunch of little kittens that should be weaned very very soon that he'd like to give free to a loving home. apparently they are the most adorable things on earth. but really, aren't they all? who ever heard of an ugly kitten? seriously. if you want one, let me know soonish.

2: my family back in minnesota tells me of a bunch of cute little lab mix puppies that were severely abused before they were finally rescued by the humane society. a local newspaper article reports that the people who lived on the property moved out in may but left the dogs, without clean water or shelter. 2 of them were dead when they were found, they were both leashed, both had gunshot wounds. 30 dogs were taken alive, most of them are about 2 weeks old. it is almost 11pm right now, and i am much too tired to rant about this, or i would. i imagine that most of you already feel as pissed off as i do about people who abuse animals. anyway, if you feel like you want to go to st. paul to adopt an abused puppy, or one of the adult dogs, "...the 30 dogs were taken to the Humane Society for Companion Animals in St. Paul. Officials there will care for the animals until they can be put up for adoption. Most of the dogs were less than two weeks old. Those dogs can be adopted at eight weeks.

To adopt one of the dogs, call the Humane Society for Companion Animals in St. Paul at (651) 645-7387, ext. 123."

i think that the people who are responsible for this need to be tied up in a back yard for a month with no food, water, or shelter. ugh, ugh, UGH.

on a completely unrelated and more positive note: i wish all the best to molly and the bonaroo crew. have a safe and fun trip, kids! oh yeah, and this is for you...

coming out of the speakers: "momma was an opium smoker" by rasputina

"it's not up to you"

one of the most amusing things about having an immune system is sinus drainage. i've been congested off and on for a few days now, but the doors closed up completely last night, leaving me to breathe only through my mouth. is it a cold? seasonal allergies? extraterrestrial implants? who knows. what i do know is that going to work and talking to people without the use of my drippy nasal passages gives me just enough sympathy to do things like leave the room every 5 minutes to blow my nose and/or change my mask, and eat with my mouth open. i don't really feel sick so much as there is just a bit of pressure in my sinuses. it'll pass soon enough. in the mean time...

it's only tuesday, and i'm already having a fantastic week. sunday was beautiful outside, and i may not have gotten out to properly enjoy it, had i not gotten a call from abby about going to a "swimming hole" with her, lindsay, dite, and whoopie. it ruled so very much. i could have stayed there all day swimming and napping in the sun on the rocks. i will visit that place again for sure. then jessie and i went out to dinner at a vietnamese restaurant near where we live. it was awesome. when we got our food, we had forgotten who ordered what, so we put all of the food in the middle of the table between us and ate out of the dishes with chopsticks. yesterday evening we wanted to go swimming in lake monona, but when we got there, there was so much seaweed and dead fish that we stayed on the grass and drank wine and talked until we got eaten alive by mosquitos. it's nice to catch up like that with friends i haven't seen in a while.

last night was also bjork-fest at my house. molly and chris came over and watched bjork music videos with me. chris gave me a dvd of one of her live performances. i'm planning on putting it on very soon. since i've never gotten to see her live, i am very excited. yay bjork!

on ellis' live cd called "blueprint live" she interrupts the song "i don't know" to ask, "has anybody ever, like, seen somebody and then had a big crush on them and then, like, had a whole relationship with them in your head, and then, like, dumped them before you even met them? all right! you go to hell, i didn't even wanna meet you anyway!" i have this habit of talking myself out of crushes i have on people. why do i do that?

time for some cool summer food for dinner and being ultra lazy at home with a roll of tissue.

in my ears: "hidden place" by bjork

oh behave

let me just begin by saying that i feel fantastic. the weather is finally getting to a point where i can go outside in a t-shirt, the thunderstorms this spring have been amazing, and i am surrounded by people who inspire me. i've been so inspired, in fact, that i've been neglecting my household duties. oh well, sunday is a good day for catching up on things.

almost 2 weeks ago, i got a huge tribal tattoo that covers the inside of my right leg from the knee to just below the ankle, to match the one that's on the outside of the same leg. in a year or so, i am planning on having a full sleeve-like tribal covering the my leg from knee down. if you've ever gotten a tattoo, you know that they go through a stage where it's kindof itchy as the skin heals over the ink. last weekend, i was going insane trying not to scratch the gigantic wound had just i payed to have needled into my flesh. mike to the rescue! he's like my personal apothecary. he gave me a capsule of generic benadryl and told me to break it open, dump out the powder, dip a drop of lotion in it and then rub it all over my tattoo. it was amazing. not only did it effectively keep my leg from itching for a good 12 hours, i didn't have any of the crappy drowsy side effects that come from putting antihistamines through your entire system. thanks mike, you just saved me a bunch of tattoo touch ups, as i surely would have scratched the ink right out of my leg. i learn something new every day.

i also want everyone to know that hemp granola is the tastiest stuff on earth. and versatile, too! i like putting it in vegetable salads. molly likes to put it in yogurt. my cat likes to eat it off the floor. whatever works. hemp granola is yummy.

yesterday i attended my first pride festival of the season with raena. we met a bunch of people there and watched erin get absolutely insulted by some drag queens. one of the queens was wearing a coyote ugly t-shirt that said "don't get drunk, get ugly." raena wants one. she and i don't get too much time to hang out at work, so it was nice to get to hang out with her and talk and listen to music in the car. she's also the best cook i know here in madison. when we got back, she cooked us an awesome meal of pasta and mushrooms and garlic and onions. it was fantastic. let me say that again, raena cooks fantastic food.

after dinner, i gave abby a call and met up with her and the crew at erin and lindsay's place. all i have to say about that is: come on ladies, there's got to be better porn out there, i can't believe you spent money on that. so we went to club 5 and had an awesome time. before i left for the club, molly's parting words to me were "be good." they're still ringing in my head.

now hearing: "i'm the one" by the descendants

this isn't going to be nice

as many of you know, there are several bleached spots on my head in the shape of stars. to me, this represents nothing more than my ability and willingness to act and present myself as an individual. and punk rock. however, several of my coworkers have decided that it is a beautiful statement of patriotism. ugh. seriously. i get stopped in the hallway several times a day by people who want to tell me how cool and patriotic they think i am. if they knew my stance on political issues, would they still think i was cool? probably not. for me, work and family gatherings are not the places for political debates or even discussion most of the time. it breaks down like this: the dictionary.com definition of the word "patriot" says "one who loves his country, and zelously supports its authority and interests." 1: i am not male. 2: i do not support, zealously or otherwise, the authority or interests of the bush administration. it's that simple. if he wants to keep queers from obtaining the same rights as everyone else, then i will not be patriotic. if he wants to invade foreign countries on false pretenses, without UN support, and against all kinds of treaties, to steal natural resources, then i will not be patriotic. do i need to go on? because i could...

here are some more reasons why i think the bush administration should kiss my taxpaying (queer, female, non-bible-banging) ass: (notice that the articles i am using are from mainstream and conservative cnn, not some out-to-get-bush liberal publication)

cheney office denies role in halliburton deal. it has been found out that dick cheney arranged for his former company, halliburton, to contract the harvest of oil resources in iraq. just 3 days after the march 5, 2003 email from the army corps of engineers to another official saying "we anticipate no issues since action has been coordinated with the VP's office" the contract was awarded to halliburton without the pentagon seeking any other bids from other oil companies. cheney still recieves a yearly paycheck from the company and still owns 433,000 stock options. the article says that cheney "assigned all his stock options to a charitable trust just before being sworn in." i'd like to know what his definition of "charitable trust" is.

bush's air force one advantage. who pays for the president and his teams to fly around the country? we do! that's right, taxpayers pay for the operation of air force one and other "cargo planes that shuttle the president's limousines and helicopters to every event." too bad bush has been using this perk to fly to "24 fundraisers for himself and the republican party." and that's just this year. a law somewhere says that the president has to reimburse the government for using it's stuff for trips that aren't "official." however, i didn't find a definition of the word "official." here's the kicker: "of the more than $203 million bush has raised for his re-election, less than 1% has gone ro reimbursing the government for travel costs this year." you feel used? i do. i wonder where they get the oil to run all the planes and limos and helicopters....

my personal favorite, and last rant, i promise: bush keeps saddam's gun at white house. so one of the personal belongings, and handgun, that was found with saddam hussein when he was captured in iraq is now the personal property of our cowboy president. yee-fucking-haw, you arrogant prick. "he really liked showing it off." i bet. i can't even form words... ugh.

just when i think i've had enough of the world as i know it, enter nate. i forget the context of the conversation, but i was apparently trying to scare him for some reason. he says "bri, you can't be intimidating, your smile is just too genuine." aww. thanks, nate, i've been floating on that comment for a week now.